Whitespace: Day 1 of 21 Challenge

From the book:

Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Bonnie Gray

comes day 1 of a 21 day challenge to find the spiritual whitespace we all long for, and need.  It starts with the story of you and I.  The day we were born, and allowing the Lord to silence us in a moment of reflective purity of where we have been, where we are today, and where He desperately wants to take us (if we allow Him too).  

I, much like the author of this book, have felt compelled many times to write out the story of my journey.  Not for profit nor gain, but simply as a documented journal of who God has been in my life, and for the eyes of my daughters.  For them to know and trust that the same Lord who has captured my heart, redeemed it, and continues to save it, will do the very same for them.  After all, they are His daughters too.  Their salvation is sealed, and so. . . .I trust that no matter what comes their way, the Lord will capture it into their life's story...............for His perfected glory!  Whether it be sin, or life's way of drafting them into trials, I pray they can count it all joy.  And so, I begin the journey to learn how to count it pure joy.........as their forerunner.  

Here is a question posed on Day 1:

How has Jesus been drawing you to rest with Him — to confide in Him as friend to friend?

This will not take long to draft out a response.  Since the uprooting (twice), death via suicide of a dearly loved step-father, illness, divided family over death, loss of a family pet (seems menial, but not when it is compounded), a prodigal child, and the caring for of family, I can assure anyone around me that Jesus has been demanding my rest.  I have found it hard to find at times, and even difficult to do when I receive periods of time to rest.  Right when rest is granted, I question it.  When rest is bestowed upon me, I feel guilt.  Rest becomes a remedy to physical problems, I rush it. And the list goes on.  

Why has it been hard to find hearty rest?  Not a rest that resembles a brothy attempt to restore my fragmented heart, much like chicken noodle soup, rather a hearty reality that brings nourishment to my soul (like beef stew)?!?  That's right, hearty not brothy.  So, how do I get there?  I start to retrain my thinking and even habits that are keeping me away from what God is trying to gift me with.  After saving this draft, and doing some research on what God says about rest, I will return with His answer and post.  But, what a thought.  To think that He is granting, beckoning, and even providing rest for my weary heart, and I simply am not wired at this point to receive.  

Father, as I begin on an earthly attempt, with a sister-in-Christ (the author), to find that spiritual whitespace of my heart, please bring to light why it has been so difficult.  Shine Your light on the barriers to rest, and help me in tearing those down: one by one.  Help me receive all the eternal blessings you intend for me to receive, and do not let the enemy come between me and those gifts.  Like a parent who purposefully looks for a gift for their child, and would be devastated if that gift was ripped from their child's hand, so Your heart breaks when we are robbed of our heavenly blessings.