End of week 3 . . .

As we end our third week here in Silver City, I lay awake late into the night wondering if the Lord will begin to reveal a portion of His plan in the weeks ahead?!?  I am so afraid of staying the same ol' Elizabeth, doing the same ol' thing like back home.  We could've stayed in Mansfield, Texas if that's what we were going to do.  I don't want to fall into the same ol' pattern of things.  I want to experience Him in a new way, with new people, maybe even doing a new career.  I want to be fully alive in this quiet little town. 

We love it so much here!  We breathe deeper here, sleep harder, talk more, visit longer and the list goes on.  I have an ongoing list of people whom we've already met.  Each one so unique in his/her way.  They each have a story to tell.  I want to spend time with each person, family or group of people me meet.  They're so different from the groups I used to frequent my time with back in Mansfield.  Back home we wouldn't have crossed paths with the types of people we've had coffee with, eaten dinner with already, or have invited to come to our home.  It's so fun!  We get to talk art with the hippies, enjoy dinner with different religious groups, and talk politics with the most liberal of them all. 

Today at church (the one we're almost sure we're going to join), I was listening to the pastor and just drifting off into thoughts of how the Lord must see this area.  How does He see our neighbors? New church body? The kids who go to school with our girls?  Does He find favor with them for their service to this city?  Of course He does!  It makes attending a new church so much easier when you realize that these are our brothers and sisters-in-Christ, doing the Lord's work.  It really helps you see that the building is not the church, rather the ones who frequent it.  It makes you realize what a team effort it is to serve and spread the Gospel in your hometown. 

I love the rhythm here.  It almost feels twenty years behind, and though I'm sure it will become a hard adjustment down the road, it's endearing for now.  The Post Office is packed regularly because snail mail is still a big deal.  Fingerprinting for the district is done on card stock and then sent off to the state, after an approval from the accounting department has been given.  There's only one, maybe two, school buses for our girls' elementary school.  Most kids walk home and ride their bikes.  Our neighbors load up their RVs and caravan to see new parts of the country together.  The first meal brought to our house was homemade bread with homemade chicken noodle soup.  Kids wanted scooters, UNO attack, Barbie Holiday dolls, and binoculars for Christmas.  Only one mentioned an electronic device that frequented our classrooms back home.  It's just a few steps behind, and they like it that way here.  It gives you permission to pull your hair back, sip a cup of hot coffee, and just take in the views.

We climbed the mountain behind our house yesterday, which is a HUGE deal for us city folks.  I kept seeing HUGE mountain lion paw prints in the dirt and snow.  It took me a while to relax and to know that the eyes of the Lord were upon us and it was for this reason (for our enjoyment) that He even created the mountains and the creatures that call it home.  We climbed higher and higher.  We saw patches of pine trees, prairie fields, and even forests of cactus.  It was amazing to see all of it with pockets of snow.  We had such a great time.  When we got home, we thawed out a bit, and then went downtown for a cup of coffee and hot chocolates for the girls.  Of course me met some folks and they pulled up a few chairs and joined us for conversation.  We were there for three hours.  We left with a sense of knowing one another, as if an invite to return was already in place.  And the weird part was, we were spending time with non-believers.  That's been the best thing and the hardest thing to overcome.  We are doing what Jesus did through so much of His ministry, and yet it throws us off if we stop to think about it too long.  There have been times that I'm just too afraid to really get to know or even fellowship too long with non-believers because I'm afraid of the fine line that divides our eternity.  But, isn't that exactly what Jesus wants us to do? 

For now, I end this post, but I really want to frequent my ol' blog.  I haven't used it too much.  I can read in the past postings and see how the Lord had been preparing us for this journey for a long time now.  I can't believe that I sit in bed, writing, and we're now apart of the journey He was preparing.  I really want to document the journey for us to be reminded of His faithfulness, to see where He's leading us, and to leave the girls a piece of recorded faith trips.  Oh how I love the Lord, and oh how I want to see Him.  I am afraid that I may become lazy in my walk because I don't live in Bible land, but I just might find more of Him in such a case.  Either way, I love you Lord and I think you for this life You've given me.  Help me to lay down fearful thoughts, and to pick up and clothe myself with Your truths!  Forgive me for being silent towards you and not making you apart of my every day.  Help me take in all that you have around us.  The pine-clothed mountains, odd streets, ever passing deer, random falling snow, and the faces of so many new people.  I don't know what You have in store down the road, and I do not want to pull out of Silver City, without having made it a true home. 

Out of the Net

I promised a dear friend that I would type out the notes from a Beth Moore taping this past weekend. She could not attend for she was tending to her newly brought-home son, whom she adopted. Sweet friend, here are your notes.

Session I: Series "Out of the Net"

Psalm 25: 1-22

The "net" in the Old Testament was generally seen as a "bad" or a negative object. It was used for capturing something from the feet up or from dropping over some thing's head. It was used to entangle the prey in which it was set out for.

In Psalm 25: 15, it refers to the net by saying "My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net."

We focused on the word "pluck" because it is as if He yanks our entangled feet out of the net in which we entangled ourselves into, or we allowed someone else to entangle us into.

A "net" is anything that gets us trapped or entangled. It can be an ongoing attitude we've had towards a situation, it can be a habit that we cannot break, a friend that we cling to and/or they cannot let go of us, and so on.

I. A net is something you don't see coming.

Proverbs 1:17 "It is foolish to spread a net where any bird can see it."

A net is not placed for all to see. It's hidden.

II. A heart can twist into a net.

Ecces. 7:26 "And I find more bitter than death, the woman who is a trap, her heart a net, and her hands in chains."

Stay in the net long enough, then it will grow into you.

What does this "woman who is a trap" look like?
* She's really possessive.
* She won't let go.
* She wants to be loved; but if love runs out; she'll feel obligated.

Proverbs 29:5 says, "A man who flatters his friend (neighbor) spreads a net for his feet."

Flattery is different than encouragement. Flattery has deceit to it, and it has a cloak. When we flatter someone, we create a co-dependent person, and if we allow someone to continuously flatter us, they will become entangled into our hearts.

You can also feel like you're in a "net" with this "netty" person if you feel like they know too much personal information about you and you feel like you can't leave/end the friendship/relationship. Personally, as Elizabeth speaking, I have felt this when I was growing up, especially in my teen years. I would share my heart, and then become so anxious over the thought of ending a friendship with someone, in fear they would divulge all my junk.

I Peter 1:22 "By obedience to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart..."

III. Sometimes shame can knot up an insidious net.

Psalmist is asking the Lord to forgive him of "all" his sins (admitting his sin), but for the Lord to not bring "shame".

Shame is Satan's laughter morphed into a mortal emotion!!!! I am going to share this with our girls as they work through their lives because shame is an easy emotion to feel, and VERY hard one to break! It's as easy as eating a loaded, calorie lunch when you're counting points. Easy to enjoy it, but oh so hard to drop it.

Psalm 25:22 "Do not let my enemies laugh at me."

hiding leads to guilt which leads to shame.............hiding..................guilt............shame

hiding, guilt, and shame all keep us from looking up
Luke 21:28 "...straighten up and lift up your heads because your redemption is near."

Shame can even bring down your posture.

IV. We can rest in knowing that the Lord will pluck our feet from the net.

This ends the series "Out of the Net". This particular series will take three weeks to cover when it's shown in the Spring. It will be interesting to see where we are in the journey when it airs on television and see how it continues to apply.
Okay, I'm going to post a different posting for the next series. Kind of break it up a bit. Remember sweet friend, you can always hit print and use it for bathroom reading and/or to help you fall asleep at night. You know I love me some good notes, and comments in an e-mail or posting. With love I hit "publish post". I will begin the next set of notes after having a quick cup-of-coffee.

Content. . . not stagnant

To be content where He has me, is not to say that He's not moving. It simply means, in the staying, I keep moving. Moving about doing His work, talking with His children, and serving in His name. Serving. . . here. . . now.

 

Hot cocoa, Fall, and Praise...

 

A long time, no type!  And I mean, a long time.  I miss writing, and what I love about not sharing this blog with many (I think 3 know about this blog), it frees me to just go on and on about whatever and I don't have to worry about readers. 

It's raining outside, Andres took our two youngest to a birthday party, the movie Julie and Julia is playing in the background, Brie is working on homework, the candle is burning and I just sipped a cup of hot cocoa (via our new Keriug), topped with whip cream.  YUMM......  These are the kind of moments you wish you could take a picture and it really captures the feelings, aromas, and tastes.  We forget really what God provides in moments like these because they're rarely captured for future viewing.  So, maybe the best way to convey is writing about it. 

The Fall is coming and I can almost feel it completely.  Ten degrees lower, a fresh breeze of cool air through the window, and pumpkin patches would make it official.  Oh, how I do love the Fall!  There's something so sweet about it, and I can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe it's because it's when Andres and I began our courtship and who can forget their first love.  Every girl remembers everything about the first time they truly fell in love.  They remember the weather, smells of perfume, foods they ate, places they visited and the endless conversations into the night (for us, it was to the point of falling asleep on the phone). 

Maybe it's the fact that Fall brings a sense of relief to the heat of the Texas summer.  It takes every ounce out of us Texans when temperatures rise, and the humidity comes.  It's like an added burden when you're already juggling so many things.  There's the kind of summer heat that comes with swimming pools, suntan lotion, hair pulled back and frozen treats (that's at the beginning), and then there's the summer heat that rolls into the late months of summer.  It's like an unwanted visitor that doesn't catch onto the clues of someone wanting it to leave.  Shouldn't summer leave when we put the Fall wreath on the front door, plant our mums and put a pumpkin on front door step?  Those are signs that we're ready for the new season.  I almost feel bad talking about God's creation, but surely He understands that we love our new seasons.

So, with praise, we watch the Fall season roll in, Summer roll out and Thanksgiving around the corner. 

Journal recap 1 . . .

Wow!  A bit of time goes by without me "blogging", and the whole thing is a new set up.  It might take some time to navigate this new format.  Either way, I just need to write.  I need to type out prayers, words of truth and scripture from the journal I just finished.  It's not really a journal, rather a collection of thoughts, sermons, prayers, and an occasional phone number of someone I meet at church.  No worries new friends, I won't be posting your name and number.  :)

Let me start with the back of the front cover.  It's says, "This journal was left on my front porch along with a pumpkin, by my mom.  It was exactly what I needed that day!!"  So, I will miss opening this journal because every time I would write in it, I thought of my mom.  I miss her terribly, and I can hardly wait to hug her neck when we arrive in Phoenix.  Just a short time away.

So, in no particular order, here's a list of things that just speak to me right now.

"When the enemy wants to attack, he tries to take our treasures, things we knew but now begin to question or doubt."

-Beth Moore taping
"We're all begging for something, and sometimes we beg for the lesser thing than we need." 

-Prayer- Lord, help me teach, raise and nurture our three girls only to release them to do for what you've created them to be.  Go, girls, and do what you were born to do!!! 

Love,
Beth

-Shaken Series (Brother Johnny)
*Knowing and Doing the Will of God.  "I just want God to make His will clear to me." This is not a true statement.  Sometimes God's will is clear and sometimes it's not.
*Out of Acts 15-16, Paul didn't want to take John mark, but Barnabas did.  Paul said John Mark needed to "grow up".  So, Paul takes Silas and Barnabas goes with John Mark (even though Paul and Barnabas were the best of friends).  But, through the separation of these friends, and even with whom they chose to go with, it impacted that entire region where they preached.  And guess what?!?  John Mark grows up, and because he was under Barnabas, he was encouraged.  Barnabas means "encourager"  AND........................AND Paul?  Well, Paul discovers and grows up Timothy to be his prototype.  God's will done, even though it wasn't clear.
*God's will is not a matter of personal preference.  Acts 15:1-5 
*God's will does not just involve me.  Paul found Timothy because God said "no" to Paul's prayer.

-Prayer- Good sweet morning Lord-

So much to write to you about.  I still haven't digested this past weekend with mom and all we learned.  And I have learned so much more since then...we're only on Monday morning.  Father, as I look out my dining room window and see a heavy sheet of fog, I am reminded that when we're in the Word and talking with You, we have huge fog lights that pierce the unclarity before us.  Though the world has cast before my family a day of fog; You have equipped me to see right in front of me which will guide me and keep me from most danger.  Thank you! 

Between my reading in "Jesus Calling" and "Hinds Feet in High Places", here are a few things that stand out-
            *  How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting the basic need-rest!  I want you, Elizabeth Anne, to blaze a trail for others who desire to live in my peaceful Presence. 
            *  Psalm 23:1-3  "...He leads me beside still waters.  He renews my strength (my life); He leads me along the right paths for His name sake.
           *  Luke 1:79  "...to shine on those who live in darkness...and to guide our feet into the way of Peace."
           *  Be courageous!  Isaiah 55:11  "So shall my My word be that goes forth out My mouth; it shall not return to me void-without producing any effect, useless- but it shall accomplish that which I (the Lord) please and purpose and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."

To close, Lord, I pray for this Target position that You would have Your way, either way.  We DO NOT want to be out of Your will. 

Love,
Beth


More later.......

A Day Shared . . .

Palm Sunday...............Brie's Birthday!

Christ and Brie sharing one special Sunday. As a King who rode on a donkey, came to bring salvation to those around, so humble, and not what the people were expecting. In a small similar way, so our daughter comes to her family. Riding in a car full of strangers, not what we had expected our adoption journey to end, and yet salvation would awaken us through her arrival. Thank you Jesus for your life, and thank you Jesus for Brianne Nichole's life.

This morning, Brie is sleeping while her daddy took the other two girls to church. She just got back from a history trip with her school, and didn't arrive home until 11 p.m. Wiped out, and yet so excited to be home last night. We decided to let her rest. Let her rest in her sweet bed, while unannounced to her the sun is shining through the blinds on this beautiful morning. The birds are extra loud, the wind is slightly blowing, bumble bees fill the tree outside our dining room window. Life is calling, it is rejoicing our Lord, while He gives rest at the same time. Worship, and praise, and rest. Could they be linked? In that order?

All of us have been pacing the floor just waiting for her to wake up. We want to sing Happy Birthday, make her a special breakfast, have her open the gifts that await her on the breakfast bar, but all we can do is wait. Wait for our 14 year-old to awaken! While I wait, I feel a load of emotion coming about. Typically, I start off birthday mornings with the "Tale of You" kind of story. What mom was feeling as contractions were beginning, how Daddy was so excited and anxious. Where Mimi was as we were making our "Here she comes" call and all the small details that make a birthday a fascinating story. Only played out once, and never repeated again!

With Brie, I cannot provide, not one detail of her birth, homecoming or the beginning stages. I can pretend what we would've felt like, but there's not truth behind it. It's just an unknown. It's a chapter that was real, and written, yet they remain blank pages until the secret ink reveals the story. I pray for that day to come. I pray for that moment to arrive.

Not only am I overwhelmed with emotions for our Brianne, but for her biological mother as well. What does she feel every April? What does she remember about that faithful day? Does she have a hole that she recognizes or is there so much pain that she ignores it? How does a woman process giving birth, and releasing rights? I don't know. I pray for her. I want her to know forgiveness through the cross. I want her to know what death meant on Good Friday, and what it means for her on Sunday morning (Resurrection Sunday). Dying to the old way, and finding eternal life at the cross! My heart doesn't feel bitterness towards the woman who carried our daughter, and through the course of events has lost this beautiful girl. My heart grieves for her at momentous times like these.

Oh, sweet Brie. Twelve and a half years on one chapter, and the rest of her life on another. Sometimes I get anxious on her birthday because I feel like our time is ticking away. The age of eighteen plays out in my head like an unwanted guest. Eighteen means nothing, other than the wonderful right to vote. We have a lifetime with Brie. A lifetime of memories, tears, accomplishments, failures, and so much more. Fourteen can be celebrated when I allow God to remind me of the finality of her sweet adoption and how we don't just have her for a few years, rather for eternity!!!! So, it frees me to enjoy the aging process with her and with our other two girls.

Let the celebration begin! Let us rejoice in her birth, her life after death, her victory in Jesus song! Let the birds chirp louder, the winds blow harder, the bees buzz longer and the sun glare stronger!!!!! This is the Day that the Lord has made, we will REJOICE and be glad in it!!!! We will praise Him for coming to us on a donkey, while the palm branches were waived. Hosanna! Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Lord!! And we will REJOICE in the birth of our daughter!! For it's through our adoption that we cry "Abba, Daddy"!!! Blessed are you Lord, and may you pour your blessings upon our precious Brianne Nichole. Brianne, means "Exalted; Lifted Up", and Nichole, means "Victorious One".

May He be "Exalted and Victorious" on Earth, through the life of this amazing teen!

A relapse. . .rehab

A relapse? Yes. A relapse.

What is a relapse? Is it just a word for a recovering alcoholic? Drug addict? Somone that is addicted to pornography? No. It's for me. It's for a sinner who returns to his/her ways in the moment of weakness. A moment of when their mind is not focused, and they are not prepared to handle the addictive behavior.

Relapse defined:

re·lapse  1. to fall or slip back into a former state, practice, etc.: to relapse into silence. 2. to fall back into illness after convalescence or apparent recovery. 3. to fall back into vice, wrongdoing, or error; backslide: to relapse into heresy. (www.dictionary.com)

What have I been "slipping back into"? Fear. Doubt. Guilt. Legalism.

I started this post a while back, and I'm returning to it tonight to finish. To be honest with you, inspite of lapsed time, I know exactly what the relapse was and has been and is.

For the past four days, I have been in the beautiful hills of Buford, Geogia at Lake Lanier Islands. I've been basking in His presence, with three other ladies. We have been convicted, encouraged, driven for change. When I signed up for my three sessions, it was no suprise the titles, nor the order in which I would attend these sessions. Session one was "Creative Quiet Time with God", and second session was "Nurturing your Marriage", and the kicker "Parenting in Grace". I have learned so much more of my sinful nature that has been hiding in the blankets of comfort, a cheerful heart, a good word for the day, and even fear. It's funny how I question someone's faith when they are doing life in a rather negative way, when really my faith is in the early stages, just masked with joy. Joy does not mean I have faith, though a true faith brings about joy.

This past weekend, I realized that I have been driving my walk with the Lord out of rigor, duties, avoidance of sin, "diligence", and the placement of external controls. I thought that I understood the Lord's love for me, when really, I only have a teeny-tiny glimpse of how much He adores me. He's not holding His blessings in one hand, and only ready to release them when I am doing the right thing. He blesses me even when I'm not blessing Him. Should I not bless the girls, even when they are not blessing me? Yes.

I have been fearfully parenting. Afraid of the sin, trying to prevent the sin, and even pushing the sinners afar. Isn't that haughtiness? I didn't think that I was placing myself in a "better" category, but I think that maybe I slipped into the notion of one. Forgive me Lord. Forgive me for demonstrating that kind of relationship with You, before the girls. I want them to know You. Know Your heart. Know your kindness, guidance, and how you guide them along. You don't stand in front of them and let them only walk if they are going to do the right thing. They walk, and you walk alongside them. You speak to them, whether they hear You or not, and You even wait for the "mess up". You see the bottom as a wonderful place to be, because you get to come along and rescue. We, they, get to cry out, and You get to pick up. If I don't allow the girls to walk the journey of life, and even experience the disappointment of a sinful nature, how will they see their Lord bend over to scoop them up? Isn't that a sweet place in our walk with Him? The moment that He becomes "Daddy", and I'm just a hurting daughter?!?

1 John 4:18-19 says, "There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because He first loved us."

Said again. . . .

There is NO FEAR in love; INSTEAD, PERFECT love drives OUT fear, because fear involves PUNISHMENT. So the one who fears has NOT reached PERFECTION IN LOVE. We love because He FIRST loved us.

Lord, I cannot love, or live out of fear, instead in your perfect love for me, I can rest confident and secure. The need to control or be punitive with those around me will fade. I have not been made perfect in Your love, yet. I can love and be loved because You loved first! I love you Father! Thank you!

Like and an alcoholic puts down the shot of whisky, so, I put down the feelings of fear, guilt, and legalism. I grab His hand and walk along the pathway of life. We will not avoid, rather walk through moments of failure. And, it does not reflect on who He's made me to be, rather gets me closer to what He intended all along. Praise You!

Love the song "Beautiful Things" and I'm reminded that "You make me new, you are making me new." It's the "-ing" in "making" that gives me HOPE! Thank you for the "-ing".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uumI-PdeZzY (here's a link in case you've never seen the words/heard the song.

This is a pic of the islands where we stayed.

A view from the resort area.

Just three . . .

Gifts for Monday morning . . .

#60. a boxer dog that finds her "bark" to warn unwanted visitors

#61. Martin Luther King day to remember a Godly man who used his voice to reject the cruelty of man

#62. the ability to memorize scripture at 34 years-old (this week's. . .Psalm 139:14)