So, Lord, where are we? You and I, on this new journey? Well, I can say that You freed us to spend time as a family today amongst the amazing rock formations at the City of Rocks in NM. Though we did not sit on the pews of our new church home this morning, we sat on the rocks that You created way before our time and just enjoyed Your creation. According to Your Word:
Luke 19:40
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
40 He answered, “I tell you, if they were to keep silent, the stones would cry out!”
Lord, the very rocks that we walked upon, layed out on, and fellowshiped on, will cry out Your name if we keep silent! I cannot begin to fathom the boulders that were layered upon layer, and then resting upon solid stone, crying out Your name because your children have gone dormant. Absolute stone, cold rocks releasing sounds to praise Your Holy name. What a thought too grandiose for me to even comprehend! I pray Lord that I will not stay silent when it comes to who You are, nor what You are!
You know, I wish I would've remembered this scripture when we were out there today so that I could've shared it with Andres and the girls. I will have to share this with them in the morning. I also thank you for the visual of the power of prayer. Today, the passenger window would not roll up, and I told Andres that the past two times this happened to me, I had to pray and plea with You to please allow the window to roll back up. He was getting so frustrated, and then Katie said, "Dad, mom told you how to handle the problem. Pray!" Well, in a half-hearted way, he begin to ask you out loud to roll up the window and then it happened......the answer to prayer! The window returned to it's upright position and we all got a first-hand reminder of the power of prayer, even over the smallest of things. So, thank You!
Well, we are one month, and three days since Dad's passing and I have to say that it has been getting easier. I hate that guilt comes with the feelings of freedom, but I also have to remind myself that guilt is NOT of You. Conviction comes from You, and there is not conviction in allowing You to mend our broken hearts to have the power to live in the ever present moments of the day. So, I will remember that when I find myself feeling guilty over enjoying life's pleasures, like today's trip to see the rocks, that the enjoyment that I feel is actually an answer to prayer! It's growth, not regression or a problem. It's maturity in knowing that I have such a short time to live the rest of my life, so to waste it moment by moment with sadness, is actually less pleasing to You.
I love You so much and I know that You will continue to take our days and make them count on an eternity sized scale. I want to continue on with life, but remembering the scar of pain that was left, so that I don't forget the pain others feel as they walk through their journey. I want to be an example to the girls, and yet, I've been finding through this grieving process that they are more of an example to us on how to grieve. Their resilience seems to represent the childlike faith You beckon us to have. If they are to be my examples, then I should find laughter once more in baking white cakes, topped with pink-lemonade frosting. Or spotting deer and acting like it's the first time. I need to remember to cry when I feel like crying, but once it's out, then return to my favorite cooking show for new ideas to feed my family. Life has so many treats along the way, and I don't want to settle for a basket-full of rotting food. You have so much more in store for us! Use us Lord beyond such a tragedy and let us be a blessing to those around us!
With so much anticipation of tomorrow and gratitude in my heart for today,
Beth
P.S. I'll upload pictures of today's outing tomorrow, but for now, here's a picture of Mom and I from this past week. Thank you Jesus for giving us special Mom/Daughter moments through all of this. I love her so much and though she reminds me over and over again that I brought her life when I was born, I KNOW that she brought me life by choosing life. So many around her wanted something different because she was such a young mom, but she knew in her heart that You wove a gift into her womb (and that was before she knew You even). Also, You allowed Katie to pick up her love of rocks once more. She attended her first field trip with Andres. This was the field trip that Papa was supposed to go on, but her Dad stepped in for him. They had a wonderful time and came home with more stories than time to share! And, while they were out, Brie and Sofie got to hang out and make some memories as sisters. There is such an age gap between them, that these kinds of days are good for them. Time is ever-passing!
Lord, the very rocks that we walked upon, layed out on, and fellowshiped on, will cry out Your name if we keep silent! I cannot begin to fathom the boulders that were layered upon layer, and then resting upon solid stone, crying out Your name because your children have gone dormant. Absolute stone, cold rocks releasing sounds to praise Your Holy name. What a thought too grandiose for me to even comprehend! I pray Lord that I will not stay silent when it comes to who You are, nor what You are!
You know, I wish I would've remembered this scripture when we were out there today so that I could've shared it with Andres and the girls. I will have to share this with them in the morning. I also thank you for the visual of the power of prayer. Today, the passenger window would not roll up, and I told Andres that the past two times this happened to me, I had to pray and plea with You to please allow the window to roll back up. He was getting so frustrated, and then Katie said, "Dad, mom told you how to handle the problem. Pray!" Well, in a half-hearted way, he begin to ask you out loud to roll up the window and then it happened......the answer to prayer! The window returned to it's upright position and we all got a first-hand reminder of the power of prayer, even over the smallest of things. So, thank You!
Well, we are one month, and three days since Dad's passing and I have to say that it has been getting easier. I hate that guilt comes with the feelings of freedom, but I also have to remind myself that guilt is NOT of You. Conviction comes from You, and there is not conviction in allowing You to mend our broken hearts to have the power to live in the ever present moments of the day. So, I will remember that when I find myself feeling guilty over enjoying life's pleasures, like today's trip to see the rocks, that the enjoyment that I feel is actually an answer to prayer! It's growth, not regression or a problem. It's maturity in knowing that I have such a short time to live the rest of my life, so to waste it moment by moment with sadness, is actually less pleasing to You. I love You so much and I know that You will continue to take our days and make them count on an eternity sized scale. I want to continue on with life, but remembering the scar of pain that was left, so that I don't forget the pain others feel as they walk through their journey. I want to be an example to the girls, and yet, I've been finding through this grieving process that they are more of an example to us on how to grieve. Their resilience seems to represent the childlike faith You beckon us to have. If they are to be my examples, then I should find laughter once more in baking white cakes, topped with pink-lemonade frosting. Or spotting deer and acting like it's the first time. I need to remember to cry when I feel like crying, but once it's out, then return to my favorite cooking show for new ideas to feed my family. Life has so many treats along the way, and I don't want to settle for a basket-full of rotting food. You have so much more in store for us! Use us Lord beyond such a tragedy and let us be a blessing to those around us!
Beth
P.S. I'll upload pictures of today's outing tomorrow, but for now, here's a picture of Mom and I from this past week. Thank you Jesus for giving us special Mom/Daughter moments through all of this. I love her so much and though she reminds me over and over again that I brought her life when I was born, I KNOW that she brought me life by choosing life. So many around her wanted something different because she was such a young mom, but she knew in her heart that You wove a gift into her womb (and that was before she knew You even). Also, You allowed Katie to pick up her love of rocks once more. She attended her first field trip with Andres. This was the field trip that Papa was supposed to go on, but her Dad stepped in for him. They had a wonderful time and came home with more stories than time to share! And, while they were out, Brie and Sofie got to hang out and make some memories as sisters. There is such an age gap between them, that these kinds of days are good for them. Time is ever-passing!
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